It has been so difficult over the past year to work at my painting. Cliche as it is, inspiration just wouldn't come. It still is lagging...I have been working at my writing so perhaps that's it, I am not very good at multi tasking. I know as a woman I am supposed to be fab at it, but not me. I have tried out a few ideas, and I am still fiddling about with some of them but no real absorption, no challenge.
Of course I was still painting and drawing from the model once a week, a life line to other artists, and practise for me and I was pleased with the exhibition at the Buckenham Galleries in April, a culmination of three years hard graft. But as ever, no sales, not much feed back and all those lovely paintings have had to go back in the storage cupboard. I have tried, I have applied for shows, but no joy, I guess I'm not exploratory enough, just too figurative.
Well the time had come to move on, take a break from working from life, from the model and try something else. I worked hard at the paintings and I think resolved lots of things there, but I felt I was hiding behind that. So wrench as it was I cut the apron strings as it were and empty days loomed ahead.
Months have passed, the studio has been full of students, and the kids furniture. Malcolm gave me some frames and they have just sat there, mocking me.... will I ever work again, I feared not.
But today I have cleaned it, and put on the Mozart. I have started to work on the landguard fort paintings, trying to push the work in a new direction... oh joy to be moving paint around again. to have a clear head, no expectations, no dead lines, I feel a little tingling of interest, a spark that might grow. Oh I hope so, I do hope so.
2 comments:
Just found your blog. Your words resonate in me. I, too, have just brought home all my paintings from a show. And, I also feel stuck, sad and empty. Been working 20 years as an artist. May be time to take a break or find a different way to be creative.
maybe theres more to it, for me, as i grow older I don't feel the need to say, look at me, or look what i see, this is what I think... At first theres the great finding out, exploring, everything i saw I wanted to paint,I had to find out how to do that. Then the clarifying, consolidating. Now, I look at others work and think 'thats fab, couldn't add to that...'
I might look at how to paint my other love, gardening; How to explore painting the secret places of my heart... where there are no images just colours, shapes and emotions, but when ever I have tried in the past, my 'expert judge' takes over and deems it all naff... I will have to ignore that.
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